Misunderstandings are common among married couples, particularly when it comes to raising a newborn. Whatever the issue, it’s critical to address it with understanding and respect. Otherwise, it could escalate, complicating the couple’s already difficult new existence. Recently, a woman felt overwhelmed and despairing when her husband, instead of assisting with the infant, turned to punishment for circumstances beyond her control.
My husband and I got married about a year ago. Pregnancy came swiftly, and I gave birth to a baby boy about four weeks ago. The birth experience was smooth, but there was one issue: my newborn struggled with breastfeeding. It was painful and concerning, as it seemed he wasn’t getting enough milk, leading to hunger and crying after nursing and many sleepless nights.
After trying everything I could, I consulted my doctor, who advised switching to formula. He reassured me that I had done my best and emphasized the importance of ensuring our baby received adequate nutrition without frequent night awakenings.
When I shared this news with my husband, he disagreed, insisting that breastfeeding was the healthier choice and that we shouldn’t switch just because our baby seemed “picky” and I was “lacking sleep,” as he put it.
But then, 2 days ago, my baby resisted feeding again, and my husband was out with his friends. I felt helpless and had no choice but to reach out to the pediatrician again for guidance. Following his recommendations, I arranged for formula to be delivered home and promptly bottle-fed the baby. The impact was remarkable, as my baby slept better, bringing relief to both of us.
My husband is still on parental leave, so he doesn’t have to worry about early mornings for work. Yesterday, feeling unwell, I begged him to handle bottle-feeding that night so I could finally get some sleep. He declined, saying, “Since you stopped producing milk like a normal woman and switched to formula without my consent, then now handle night feedings just as you did when you breastfed.”
His words stung, but the real shock came when he told me, “And by the way, since you made the choice to buy formula, which is a waste of money and an unnecessary expense we could do without, then from today on, it’s solely your responsibility to cover any extra baby expenses. Now bear the consequences of your thoughtless actions.”
His remarks about money and insinuations about my womanhood deeply hurt me. I feel unsupported and at a loss. It’s essential for us to share the responsibility, particularly given his parental leave and higher income. I’m uncertain how to proceed and would appreciate any advice you can offer.
