An elderly couple learned to send text messages on their mobile phones.
The wife, a retired college English instructor with emphasis on the Classics, was an unapologetic romantic; her husband, a retired salty Navy chief petty officer of thirty years’ service, was a no-nonsense guy.
One afternoon the wife went to the local Starbuck’s to meet a friend for coffee. While awaiting her friend’s arrival, she exercised her new skill by sending her husband a romantic text message: “If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you.”
The husband responded: “I’m takin’ a shit. Please advise.”
Almost brings a tear to my eyes.
Bonus joke
A man boarded an aeroplane and took his seat.
As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane.
He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat.
As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his.
Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, ‘Business trip or pleasure?
She turned, smiled and said,
‘Business. I’m going to the Annual N*mph*m*niacs of America Convention in Boston’.
He swallowed hard.
Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of n*mph*m*niacs.
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked,
‘What’s your business role at this convention?’
‘Lecturer,’ she responded.
‘ I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about s*x*ality.
‘ Really?’ he said. ‘And what kind of myths are there?
‘Well, she explained, ‘one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-*nd*wed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.
‘Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best l*vers when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best.
‘I have also discovered that the l*v*r with absolutely the best st*mina is the Southern Redneck’.
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said,
‘I shouldn’t really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t even know your name.
‘Tonto’, the man said,
‘Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba’.
