An elderly woman was cruising down the interstate when she noticed flashing lights in her rearview mirror…
Elderly Woman: Problem, officer?
Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.
Elderly Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: May I see your driver’s license, please?
Elderly Woman: I would… but I don’t have one.
Officer: You don’t?
Elderly Woman: L*st it four years ago for a D*I.
Officer: I see… Can I see your vehicle registration?
Elderly Woman: Nope.
Officer: And why is that?
Elderly Woman: I st*le this car.
Officer: St*le it?!
Elderly Woman: Yep. And I k*lled the owner.
Officer: …You did WHAT?
Elderly Woman: His b*dy p*rts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you wanna take a look.
The officer stares at her for a moment, then slowly backs away toward his cruiser and calls for backup. Within minutes, five squad cars surround the vehicle. A senior officer approaches cautiously, hand resting on his h*lster.
Senior Officer: Ma’am, would you please step out of the vehicle?
Elderly Woman: Sure thing, officer. Problem?
Senior Officer: One of my officers says you st*le this car and m*rd*red the owner.
Elderly Woman: M*rd*red the owner?!
Senior Officer: Yes, ma’am. Please open your trunk.
The woman pops the trunk — it’s completely empty.
Senior Officer: Is this your car?
Elderly Woman: Yep. Here’s the registration.
The senior officer blinks, visibly confused.
Senior Officer: He also said you don’t have a driver’s license.
The woman digs into her purse, pulls out her wallet, and hands over a perfectly valid license.
Senior Officer: Thank you, ma’am. But my officer swears you told him you had no license, that you st*le this car, and… k*lled and d*sm*mbered the owner.
Elderly Woman: I bet that l*ar also told you I was speeding.
