Our reader Erin grew up in her sister’s shadow, yet her family holiday trip this year pushed her over the edge. Facing unfair treatment, she made a decision to skip the trip entirely. Now, her family calls her selfish, and she’s left wondering if she made the right call.

Here’s her story

Every year, my parents organize a big family holiday trip. This year, they announced they wanted to rent a mountain cabin for a week over Christmas. They invited me (26F), my sister (28F), and her husband (30M) to join them. My boyfriend (29M) couldn’t make it due to his own family commitments, but I was excited to spend time with everyone and enjoy a cozy, snowy holiday.

But then, things took a familiar turn. My sister, let’s call her Claire, has always been the family’s favorite. Growing up, Claire could do no wrong. If she struggled in school, she was “creative.” If I got a B, I wasn’t “applying myself.”

Claire dropped out of her first two colleges before finally settling on a degree in art history, and my parents were endlessly supportive, covering her tuition and living expenses the entire time. I worked two part-time jobs to put myself through school and graduated without help.

Even now, Claire and her husband, Mark, live in a condo my parents helped them buy.

They “loaned” Claire the down payment (which was never paid back) and regularly help with their bills. I, on the other hand, was charged rent as soon as I graduated, even when I was struggling to get my career off the ground.

When my parents brought up the cabin trip, they emphasized that it was a family getaway and how special it would be for all of us to spend the holidays together. They told me they’d already booked a room for Claire and Mark but said I needed to pay for my own stay since I “have a stable job now.”

When I asked why they were covering Claire and Mark’s costs but not mine, they brushed it off, saying it was because Claire and Mark were “trying to save for the future.” I pointed out that I’m saving too, and they just laughed and said I don’t have the same “pressures” since I’m not married yet. I was upset but didn’t want to cause a scene, so I agreed to book my own room.

A few weeks later, when I sent my parents the receipt for the cabin so we could coordinate the check-in, they asked why I’d reserved one of the smaller rooms instead of sharing the larger suite with Claire and Mark. I told them it didn’t make sense for me to share a room with a couple. My dad sighed and said, “It’s just a little cramped. Don’t be so difficult.”

At this point, I started to feel like an afterthought.

Claire was given the prime accommodations without question, while I was made to feel like an inconvenience for simply needing my own space. Still, I tried to brush it off and told myself I’d just go and make the best of it.

But things escalated even more when my parents called to go over the itinerary. They casually mentioned that I’d be cooking Christmas dinner. I asked if they’d be helping, and they said, “Oh, Claire and Mark will be busy planning the holiday decorations—they have such great taste!” They even suggested I arrive a day early to “prep everything.” It was the final straw.

I decided not to go. I didn’t want to deal with another holiday, feeling like the family servant while Claire got praised for hanging garlands and sipping cocoa. But I didn’t tell them right away. I figured if they didn’t think I was worth accommodating, they didn’t deserve advance notice.

The day before the trip, my mom called, reminding me to pick up some groceries on my way to the cabin. That’s when I told them I wasn’t coming. I said, “It seems like you already have the perfect holiday planned with Claire and Mark. I don’t want to ruin it by being the ‘difficult one.’” Then I turned off my phone.

Now, they’re furious. My mom called me selfish for “abandoning the family” at Christmas, and Claire posted some passive-aggressive comment on social media about how “family means showing up no matter what.” A few friends have said I should’ve gone and stood up for myself instead of bailing, and now I’m second-guessing everything.

Was I wrong to skip the trip? Should I have handled it differently?