Emma, a 29-year-old mother, has always been a source of strength in her family, seamlessly juggling work, home, and relationships. Her life took a difficult turn six months ago when she and her husband, Matt, welcomed twin sons into their family. While the birth of their children brought them great joy, it also came unexpected obstacles that began to strain their marriage.
Emma shared her entire story with us.
This is Emma’s story.
Emma started her letter with a heavy heart: “Hi. I never thought I’d be sharing something like this, but I’m feeling lost and alone, and I don’t know what to do. My husband, Matt, and I have been together for eight years, and married for five. We’ve always had a strong relationship, full of love and understanding. But since the birth of our twins, things have changed so drastically that I barely recognize us anymore.”
“Matt and I had always dreamed of having children, and when we found out we were expecting twins, we were overjoyed. But no one really prepares you for the reality of raising two babies at once. The sleepless nights, the constant feedings, the endless diapers—it’s overwhelming, to say the least. And as much as I love our boys, I feel like I’m drowning under the weight of it all.”
She continued, “Since the twins were born, my entire world has revolved around them. I’m exhausted all the time, barely getting a few hours of sleep each night. Matt has been helping, but he also has to work long hours to support us, so most of the childcare falls on me. I know I’ve been distant, and I feel guilty about it, but I just don’t have the energy for anything else. I haven’t had a moment to myself in months, and our relationship has suffered because of it.”
“Matt came to me last night and said he’s thinking about leaving. He told me he feels neglected, like I don’t care about him anymore. He said he misses the way things used to be, just the two of us, and that he doesn’t feel like a priority in my life now. Hearing those words broke my heart, because the truth is, I miss us too. But I don’t know how to balance being a good mother and a good wife when I feel like I’m barely holding on.”
Emma then shared, “I tried to explain to Matt that this is just a phase, that the boys won’t be this demanding forever, and that we’ll find our way back to each other. But he just looked so defeated, like he’s already made up his mind. I don’t want to lose him, but I also don’t know how to fix this. How do I show him that I still love him when I’m too exhausted to even think straight?”
“Now, I’m sitting here, staring at my sleeping babies, wondering how I can possibly choose between my husband and my children. I don’t want to lose my marriage, but I don’t want to fail as a mother either. What should I do?”
We appreciate your bravery in sharing your story with us, so we’ve put together a few tips to help.
Navigating the demands of parenthood while maintaining a strong relationship can be stressful, especially when raising twins. Here are some pieces of advise to help Emma find balance and reconnect with her spouse.
- Communicate Openly: Sit down with Matt and be honest about your feelings and challenges. Let him know you love him and are dedicated to working through this together.
- Ask for Help: Do not be scared to seek support from family and friends. Even a few hours of help with the twins can provide you and Matt with much-needed time together.
- Prioritize Self-Care: Remember that you cannot pour from an empty cup. Take small breaks for yourself, even if it’s only a quick stroll or a calm cup of tea, to recharge.
- Reconnect with Matt: Look for easy opportunities to reconnect, such as sharing a private meal after the babies are asleep or watching a movie together. Small moments might help repair your relationship.
- Be patient: Although this is a difficult time, it will pass. Remind yourselves that the sleepless nights and excessive demands will pass, and your relationship will be stronger for having been through it together.
- Set tiny Goals: Set tiny, attainable goals for your relationship, such as having one meaningful discussion per week or scheduling a regular date night at home.
- Show Appreciation: Make an effort to convey your gratitude for anything Matt does, no matter how minor. Feeling valued can help to enhance your relationship.
- Consider Counseling: Couples counseling can give a safe environment for you to express your concerns and learn how to reconnect and support each other during this difficult time.
- Include Matt in Parenting: Find opportunities for Matt to get more involved with the twins, such as taking turns with overnight feedings or celebrating the kids’ accomplishments together. This can make him feel closer to both you and the kids.
- Forgive Yourself: Remember that you’re doing your best, and it’s normal to feel overwhelmed. Be nice to yourself as you begin this new chapter in your life.
Being a mother entails enormous responsibilities and can be a difficult job. Some women opt not to have children for legitimate reasons, while others, despite their reservations, may decide to become moms.
