She Had 10 Previous Marriages But Claimed to Be a Virgin. Her Eleventh Husband Was a Lawyer for a Reason.
A prominent defense attorney finally decided to settle down and married a glamorous woman who had a rather colorful past—specifically, she had already been divorced ten times.
On their highly anticipated wedding night, as they relaxed in the bridal suite, the new bride looked up at her groom with wide, innocent eyes and whispered, “Please be incredibly gentle with me tonight, darling… I’m actually still a virgin.”
The groom bolted upright, looking completely bewildered. “What on earth do you mean?!” he stammered. “How can you possibly still be a virgin if you’ve been legally married ten times?!”
The bride sighed, leaned back against the velvet pillows, and began to count on her fingers.
“Well, you see, it was just bad luck with their professions,” she explained.
“Husband #1 was a corporate sales representative. He spent our entire marriage just hyping it up, constantly telling me how absolutely groundbreaking it was going to be, but he never actually closed the deal.”
“Husband #2 worked in software services. He was never entirely sure how the infrastructure was supposed to function, but he kept promising he’d look into it and get back to me.”
“Husband #3 was a field service technician. He ran a few tests, told me everything checked out perfectly on a diagnostic level, but he just couldn’t seem to get the system up.”
“Husband #4 worked in telemarketing. Even though he knew he officially had the order, he had absolutely no idea when he would be able to deliver.”
“Husband #5 was a structural engineer. He understood the basic mechanical process, but he insisted he needed at least three years to research, implement, and design a brand-new, state-of-the-art method.”
“Husband #6 was from corporate finance and administration. He thought he knew how to do it, but he spent all his time arguing over whether it was actually his job description or someone else’s.”
“Husband #7 was a senior marketing director. He actually had a fantastic product, but he could never quite figure out how to properly position it.”
“Husband #8 was a clinical psychologist. All he ever wanted to do was sit up in bed and talk about it.”
“Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he ever did was look at it.”
“And Husband #10… oh, he was an avid stamp collector. All he ever did was lick it! God, I miss him so much!”
The bride smiled radiantly, wrapping her arms around her new groom’s neck. “But now that I’ve finally married you, I am absolutely ecstatic and ready to go!”
The lawyer wiped his brow, a bit intimidated but thoroughly intrigued. “Well, that’s wonderful, honey… but why are you so sure about me?”
The bride grinned seductively and whispered:
“Because you’re a lawyer. This time, I know for a fact I’m going to get screwed!”
