When it comes to parenting styles, there are numerous methodologies, each with its own advocates and proponents. But for Emma, a proud member of the ‘understanding and empathic’ tribe, breaking the mold of traditional parenting has been a life-changing decision. She wrote to us not only to share her unique parenting style but also to seek advice from other parents, as she has often encountered criticism regarding her methods of upbringing.
Emma decided to be a cycle breaker in her family.
My son, Georgie, is 8 years old. All my life, I knew that I wanted to have children. When I found out I was pregnant, I decided to break the cycle in my family by adopting a less adversarial style of parenting.
Her parents’ strict upbringing affected her mental well-being.
Growing up under the strict rule of my parents, I’ve come to understand the consequences of such an authoritarian upbringing. It wasn’t just tough for me, it affected everyone in our household. The constant pressure led to anxiety, and my self-esteem suffered. My relationships with parents were strained.
“It took me years to realize the toll this environment had on my mental well-being. But as I grew older, I made a conscious effort to confront these challenges. It’s important to find a balance between discipline and understanding in raising children.
That is why I want to create a nurturing environment for my son, one that prioritizes love, respect, and open communication. So he doesn’t have to go through the same hardships as I did. But my husband does not agree with this approach in raising a child. He believes that Georgie should understand social norms and the consequences of his actions.
Her son doesn’t give false apologies.
One thing I’ve decided is that I will never force my child to apologize or say thank you and please. I truly believe that this approach can psychologically traumatize him.
When we make kids say sorry, even if they don’t really mean it, we’re teaching them to be fake. Your child might not genuinely feel sorry for what they did, and that’s alright. It takes time for kids to learn empathy and realize how their actions affect others.
Forced apologies teach kids that other people’s feelings matter more than their own. Sometimes, when we argue or have a problem, we need time to calm down and think about what we did wrong. This thinking helps us see our part in the problem and admit our mistakes.
When we rush to make kids say sorry, we don’t give them this time to think. We also tell them to ignore how they feel and only focus on the other person. This might lead to grown-ups who always try to please others, struggle to speak up for themselves, and don’t know how to get what they need. That’s why Georgie doesn’t give false apologies.
When Georgie pushed another kid at the playground, instead of forcing him to apologize, I came to this kid and apologized myself instead. I believe that Georgie would watch my example and learn acceptable behavior in that situation. When I said that my son is not going to apologize because it could traumatize him, she called me ’A bad and irresponsible mother’ for letting my son behave like this.
She faces a lot of criticism from family and friends.
This incident at the playground only escalated our argument with my husband about parenting. He insists on stricter methods, but I don’t agree with him. Some people, thinking about good parenting, might use force or even be mean to control what their child does, all to protect their own reputation. They might do this because they feel unsure or scared.
I want to be a friend to my son, help him understand his emotions, and navigate life together. This way of relating helps the child learn about freedom and responsibility and how they affect others. I don’t ignore my authority; I just don’t consider myself superior to my son.
Georgie and I already share a strong bond, and if I feel overwhelmed, I’ll explain to him that I need some time alone. Now that he’s learning from me, he’ll let me know if he needs space.
Despite always having confidence in my parenting methods and seeing positive results, constant criticism from my husband and other parents has made me question my decisions. I hope your audience can give me some advice. What do you think about this?
