We might find ourselves in a crowd at some point in the future and one of the places where it is bound to happen is in an elevator.
Let’s face it, you can hardly keep your distance when you are crammed in a small room with a lot of other people, so you might as well make the best of it!
If you have been looking for a way to make the most out of your next ride in an elevator (who hasn’t?), Then these are going to be perfect for you. It’s just what you need to make your day a little brighter.
1. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: “Got enough air in there?”
2. When I am in an elevator with my wife and other strangers are in with us, I lean over toward her and say: “do you think your husband knows about us?”
3. I got on an elevator with my buddy. He says, “Sure I’ll take your case, but you’ve got to tell me, why you killed him? And then I calmly said, “Cause he was staring at the back of my head.”
4. I like to turn towards the back of the elevator facing everyone. When I’m with my friends I insist we all do this, that way when people come in they’re torn between being the only one facing forward and joining us facing backward.
6. I work in maintenance. Yesterday I asked an old lady cleaner I’m familiar with if she was going to “get on the elevator with me.” She said, “No honey, but one day we will get on together” to which I quipped, “and then we’ll get off together.” I could hear her laughing three floors below.
7. “I feel like I’ve got to know you all on so many different levels.”
Or, turn to a coworker and say, “I’m ready to take us to the next level if you are.” Then press one of the floor buttons.
8. *Ok, I have a knock-knock joke but you have to start it.
-Ok, knock knock.
*Who’s there?
And proceed to wait for the awkward silence.
9. My best friend (a completely normal-looking dude) and I were in a crowded elevator and I said to him, “I just can’t get over how different you look in men’s clothing” and everyone lost it.
10. Get on a crowded elevator, say when everyone is getting off work in an office building. You press two buttons for two different floors, each 1 floor apart.
Now, everyone stands facing the front of the car. You stand with your back to the doors, facing back towards the others. Breath heavily, and attempt to make eye contact with someone. Anyone. Anytime someone makes eye contact, you begin to giggle wildly.
When the elevator comes to the first of your 2 floors, get off and immediately run down the stairs.
As soon as the doors close, everyone is going to start talking about the weird guy, guaranteed. Meanwhile, you run down 2 flights of stairs so that you’re waiting when the elevator arrives and the doors open.
Step onto the elevator immediately and say, “I heard you all talking about me!”
12. Into your cell phone, “So exactly HOW contagious are we talking?…really…seriously?…I’m just on an elevator…of course there are other people on board…. Done. What now?…could you push (next floor)?
13. When you get off and someone else is getting on, look them in the eye and say, “You’re in charge until I get back!”
14. If it’s just you and another person look at them, raise your eyebrows, and say, “First day of parole, then stare at them.
15. Without actually farting, mumble quietly to yourself, “Thats gonna smell.”
16. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
17. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you “Admiral.”
18. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
19. Say, “I’m sure you’re all wondering why I brought you here today.”
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