It can be challenging to treat your stepchildren just like your own children. Erin felt that she was doing the right thing when she didn’t give her stepdaughter money, even though her son receives pocket money from her on a weekly basis. Unsure if she was right in trying to teach her stepdaughter a valuable lesson, she wrote to us, hoping for advice and reassurance.
Here’s her letter
My husband has a teenage daughter from his previous marriage, and she lives with us. I make much more money than her dad. She often asks me for pocket money and to buy her clothes like her school friends have, cosmetics, gadgets, and exotic fruits. She didn’t have many choices when she was living with her dad, but now that she’s in my beautiful big house, she wants more stuff. I never give her money directly. Instead, her dad and I buy her good-looking but modest clothes and provide enough food, but nothing extravagant.
She accuses me of being unfair because I give my son from my previous marriage money weekly. She says I don’t love her as much as I love my son. But I have my two simple reasons for handling things this way. First, my parents raised me very strictly. Although they had enough money, they never spoiled me. This taught me not to take anything for granted and instilled a strong sense of responsibility and self-reliance in me. I believe these values are crucial, and I want to pass them on to both my son and my stepdaughter.
Secondly, my son earns his allowance by doing chores around the house, such as helping in the garden or doing everyone’s laundry. He ends up earning a substantial sum each week, which is quite significant for a teenager. I want my stepdaughter to learn the same lessons. It’s not about withholding love or being unfair; it’s about teaching her important life skills that will benefit her in the long run.
However, the tension in our family is rising. She keeps accusing me of favoritism, which is causing a lot of stress. My husband thinks that I’m doing the right thing by not giving in to her demands, but he also believes that I might be too strict with her.
I’m really unsure how to handle this situation. I don’t want my stepdaughter to feel unloved or neglected, but I also don’t want to abandon my principles.
To be honest, I’m not sure how to behave correctly with a teenage girl, and I feel that I really need some advice
